You can be the President, and I can be the...

How extra kinky are those Princely lyrics these days?? They always made me laugh, but jeez...

I was watching news coverage of the Vatican vigils a few days ago and I must admit I felt a bit like I was in the middle of a psychotic break. Not an unfamiliar feeling whenever I watch the news, really, but that night I could not make sense of anything coming out of anybody's mouth for a full half hour. So many mixed metaphors, so little religious education I've had..."He's stood with his God and now he's going to meet Him." "He has always prayed for us; now it's time for us to pray for him." Were the faithful worried he'd need a little help getting past the golden rope? If so, just what juicy transgressions had JP filed away under his big hat? Had they just forgotten to pray for him before? What was going on?

A few people have tried to relieve me of some of my vast ignorance about these matters. Apparently this pope mightily distinguished himself by coming out against communism and helping it collapse under his disapproval. Now that the Soviet Bloc's in chips it seems we have more overt corruption and instability in so many of the most impoverished and vulnerable places, not to mention a greater proliferation of bloodthirsty repressive regimes than in a long time, but perhaps on balance the world's no more or less to hell in a handbasket than it was before in terms of human suffering. Dolled-up fascist threats or more cloaked ones, which are worse, I don't know. One way or another, there's no denying it was a remarkably worldly and principled rhetorical contribution he made in that regard. If only his defense of moldy anti-abortion, anti-birth control, anti-gay, and anti-women-in-the-priesthood sentiments had been less spirited. I think I DO know something of how much massive suffering he could have helped avert had he been more down to earth.

He is now. All the cardinals are in lockdown with his corpse, and the suspense is great. Did you, too, hear that according to tradition, someone in high places is supposed to knock on his head with a silver hammer about now, but they won't this time? Why is that? Are they worried with all the cameras lurking around that his ear will fall off in an untimely manner? I also heard several electromagnetic scans were taken of his body. To make sure all the God has gotten out? I have so many questions.

Did anyone else get a kick out of seeing the film footage of John Paul as a championship skier in younger days? He was supposed to be one to watch out for on the soccer field, too. As someone drily observed, you'd have to be pretty competitive to get the keys to that office. We'll soon see who's next.