Very Punny

An unfortunate aspect of being attracted to people for whom abstract thought comes easily is the tendency for such people to be unable to resist sharing with you their many horrible puns. These guys will often insist that their talent for aligning dissimilar mental associations by exploiting similarities in linguistic forms results in a high-minded, meritorious form of humour. I usually disagree. What's the difference between showing off over drinks by pointing up the fact you know how to rhyme two words with very disparate meanings, and showing off over drinks by trying to get into a headstand on the bar? The headstand has a hope of making me laugh.

Not all puns are created equal, however. If, in playing with forms, you can come up with a well-situated pun--one dropped into a phrase or conversation in such a way that it elegantly conjures up with equal force two or more uncomfortably juxtaposed sets of associations that are each equally relevant to the larger conversation--then you've got a winner on your hands. Location, location, location. It is everything.

Jesse came up with a good pun today.

I had been thinking about how completely my attraction to women was obliterated for years after my girlfriend fell in love with and left me for one of our friends. Now I occasionally find myself fantasizing about sex with women, but still almost never without recourse to some kind of imagined threesome scenario including a male lover. Today I was laughingly sharing with Jesse my realization that, after living most of my twenties as an out lesbian might, several years later, my sexual subjectivity can now be best described as 'bi-curious'. I feel much more 'bi-curious' these days than bi. I don't want to be naked in bed with a woman all alone! Women are terrifying! They can really, really (no, really!) hurt me with their figurative and literal social proximity.

Jesse suggested, "Maybe you're bi-furious."

Score one for the punsters!

I certainly was furious about being left, but I nominate this term as a replacement for 'biphobic'. I think the main reason so many monosexuals get all riled about bisexuality is because it is synonymous with "defection" in their minds. They are afraid of and angry with people who cannot or refuse to constrain themselves inside binarily-opposed categories of sexuality that do not adequately account for their desire or experiences. Because of (usually) erroneous assumptions about what they need to be happy in a relationship, bisexuals are people that are easier to imagine leaving you one day. Nevermind that in fact we're just as often the ones who get left. When I get left, I'm just furious. If you choose to blame my bisexuality for my leaving you, you're bi-furious.